You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
