he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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