I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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