she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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