allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
