Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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