just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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