I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
