evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
