if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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