but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
