That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize