only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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