well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
