and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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