Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
