I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize