Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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