Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can text with my tongue
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
