He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
