im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
