put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
