i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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