what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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