Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
