from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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