CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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