He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
