I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
