Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize