You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
