you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i already hear my dad disowning me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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