so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize