Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
