forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
