you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
