I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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