also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
