im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
