Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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