he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
