He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
