Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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