On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
