i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
