if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize