i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
