mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
