Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
