I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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