ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
