Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
