Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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