He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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