i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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