I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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