He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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