Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
