I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
