i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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