The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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