You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
