I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
