I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
