I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
