East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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