I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
