Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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