The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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