3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
