Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
