Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
