Quick, to the slutcave!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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