She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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