just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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