im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
