I don't usually arrange sex via text message
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
