I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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