I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
