38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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