were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
