I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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