I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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