i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
